As a concise monopolization of groundbreaking Inefficiency, Netflix has diverted (with jarring haste) from any initial, fathomable idea of a 'productive' company to focus solely on walking the fine line into a conceptual quasi-masturbatory waste of time, money, and potential fall to death...from the aforementioned 'fine line,' which I should rather refer to as 'a line of cocaine' for the managerially fiendish and morally archetypal (ACHEM, Mr. CEO). The company has officially bought the proverbial Park Place and Boardwalk, burned Boardwalk to the ground and turned Park Place into a brothel. Now, when a customer travels to Boardwalk for a getaway, or a DVD, Netflix can officially say "Kiss my ash, go next door and get f*cked" (don't worry - I'll lash myself for that pun).
I was not taken aback by the Netflix CEO's personal 'letter of apology,' which only served as a roundabout of subtly-masked 'fuck you's.' The singular, distinct, and monotonously abrupt apology from the CEO was equivalent to (Neigh, it WAS) a diversion for the Netflix-fellating audiences (myself included - that filmic cunnilingus really works out my synapse muscles). Diversion, distraction, inaction, wordiness, unnecessary words, words, WORD - my point here; it distracts from the fact that the company is splitting into different websites, different names, yet continuing with the same increased prices. In the same e-mail where the CEO delivered the most belligerently half-assed 'apology,' he also took the opportunity to declare that the exorbitantly increased prices were not going to change and that, furthermore, the website was splitting into two different websites (one for streaming, one for rentals), and that there would be a different name. I was initially going to avidly call out the 'Illiterate Ghostwriter' behind the CEO's apology letter, but I've realized that the CEO is his own ghost...
In an ironic twist of Capitalism, the more we spend, the more we are charged, and the more we spend and...oh, yeah that's pretty much right on. Well hell, I'll give em my wallet and Dunkin Donuts gift card, too. Case Solved. Netflix has become an amalgamation of coin-hording, manipulative film availability, genre bureaucracy, and now PRICE bureaucracy. I've attempted to avoid bureaucracy all of my life, but when you make me saunter through a DVD-labyrinth of 'unavailable,' 'not streaming,' 'expiring in 30 minutes,' and 'lost in the mail' to get to a movie I want to see, you officially made my 'Shit-List of Counterproduction,' the acronym for which is 'SLC,' which really stands for 'Slick-Lipped Cabaret,' or more aptly called 'The damned circus.' The more money we spend on Netflix, the more we are going to have to pay in the future. Generally, it's a give and take. This has become a give, and then a prolonged wait, and then a letter of apology. Summary: Counterproduction. (And I wouldn't be surprised if we started to get "IOU's" instead of "DVD's.")
Whether anyone has mused, pondered, or publicly vocalized it or not, it's clear to me that Netflix is officially strapping on it's full metal jacket to politically cover its ass for the 2012 election. Consistently and systematically removing any and all political films from their streaming queue (and throwing in a disproportionately small number of other films), Netflix prepares for an Armageddon of indifference - what we generally refer to as a 'facade.' In preparation to become so unbiased that it might just start producing, selling, and charging 'bias' on a monthly basis, it can be argued that Netflix cannot be held responsible for any apparent political agenda/viewpoint. To some - this would be deemed 'smart, protective, and efficient' to others it is named 'cowardice,' and to the CEO, it is most likely known as 'What about movies? Where am I, anyway? Can we buy actors yet? How much could we charge to send an actor in the mail? Shit, I bet that's a whole lot of shipping and handling."
Netflix (now re-named 'Quickster,' so that we can never get our films...more quickly) allows a maximum DVD queue of 500, which I've embraced. So I notice that, every couple of months, Netflix has a 'purging' of DVD's and, since my queue serves more appropriately as a 'Panic Room' for my mind, I always notice the 20-30 expiration dates listed next to the films that are soon to expire in my queue. And every time, it's the same song and dance for me, staring at my queue, exclaiming "Oh damn! That movie's expiring?,' followed by "Oh damn, THAT movie's expiring?,' followed by every different combination of those words and emphases about...well 20-30 times. And during the past two 'purgings,' I've noticed something suspiciously disturbing; there has been a dramatic spike in expiring films, AND the expiring films are almost all politically oriented. Covering the entire spectrum from political satire to gut-wrenching Vietnam dramas, these films are quickly disappearing from availability. I WILL give Netflix props for being unbiased in which political films they remove - it's simply every one. It might seem, however, that to go to such extreme lengths for a 'politically neutral' stance is a bit suspicious...quite simply the antithesis of 'unbiased.' I'm not getting into the argument that 'nothing is unbiased because to choose to be unbiased is biased,' but maybe I just did. Oops. But I will say this; I did proactively use the phrase 'Full Metal Jacket' earlier in this post in relation to Netflix only to achieve my personal, ironic, and moot revenge on the fact that the film 'Full Metal Jacket' is being removed shortly, and I need to re-watch it before they do (just got done with 'The Quiet American' 'Hoffa,' 'The Conversation, (wire-tapping)' 'The Interpretor,' 'Missing,' '1969' 'Proof of Life,' 'The Badge (political scandals),' and...'Sgt. Bilko.' Yes. I did say they were unbiased with their unbiased).
And here is an Oscar Addendum:
Best Score - "Coriolanus," "J Edgar"
Best Doc - "The Swell Season"
Friday, September 30, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Aesthetic Punchlines - A Filmmaker's Introduction
To make a punctual rim-shot of an introduction, I'm simply going to list my Oscar Nominations for flicks that I haven't seen yet, if only to give an idea of my filmic foreplay. Now this isn't some sort of inane statement contrived to make a satirical point about just how deep into the murky waters of cinema that I actually am - rather, I swear to God (Achem, sorry, I mean Paul Thomas Anderson, ACHEM, excuse me, I really did mean God) that all these nominations have reasoning behind them. And I understand, now, that I absolutely cannot go around telling people who I think will win at the 2012 Oscars, concerning films that have not been released yet and filmmakers that nobody knows anything about. Apparently, if I wish to deduce Oscar nominations without a prior viewing, McClean hospital seems to be the place to go and do it. When I say something like "A flick called 'Drive' is coming out, and it will be nominated for 'best director' solely on the grounds that the grittiness and character depth that the writer/director (Refn) consistently brings to the screen has never been seen or adapted into the English language, and people will flock to the theaters to see Ryan Gosling speeding around (in competition with Jason Bourne), but that the majority of the audiences will be knocked flat on their ass in shock," I most often get a prolonged stare accompanied with a nervous lip-bite, or simply a proverbial slap in the face. Now don't get me wrong - I enjoy my proverbial slaps in the face as much as I love actual slaps on my ass, but a longer explanation is always demanded and my breathe is generally short from running away from the '28 Days Later' zombies.
The fact is that when I speak about film, I generally need a preface, a prologue, a preface for my prologue, an introduction to my preface, and than an annotated foreshadowing of my appendix...and one more preface. However much I was bored by the film in the theater, I quote the recently released 'Contagion,' where a character says "You're not a writer - you blog. Blogging is not writing - it's graffiti with punctuation." Well...the line of dialogue took me off guard for the one and only time in the movie, and I thought; "I like graffiti, and I do enjoy a good dose of punctuation, so what's this 'Blog' that I hear about? Can I ramble? Can I ramble about rambling?" Apparently so, however I will attempt to keep the more absurd ramblings six feet deep where the '28 Weeks Later' zombies should be. (That's right. I said it. That sequel made me wanna choke on a magnum).
So I'm going to list my early Oscar contenders - and it should be pretty clear which flicks I haven't seen yet...because they will not be playing anywhere. (Actually 'Drive' came out this passed Friday, but my car is ironically f*cked, and I can't suck it up and walk to 'Drive.')
This is not every category, and with the ever-changing flow of nomination counts, I'm officially confused with the officiality of how many nominations we officially officize in offices (you can re-type it if you have issues with that statement.)
***The only flicks here that I’ve seen are: The Tree of Life, Midnight in Paris, Super 8, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Another Earth
Best Picture
“Midnight in Paris”
“J. Edgar”
"The Tree of Life"
“Drive”
"The Tree of Life"
“Drive”
“The Help”
“Moneyball”
“Moneyball”
“Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy”
“Super 8”
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2”
"Coriolanus"
Best Lead Actor
Joseph Gordon Levitt – “50/50”
Brad Pitt - "Moneyball"
Leonardo DiCaprio – “J. Edgar” – WIN
Michael Shannon - "Take Shelter"
Brendan Gleeson – “The Guard”
Ralph Fiennes - "Coriolanus"
Gary Oldman – “Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
Gerard Butler – “Machine Gun Preacher” (Fuck it. I’ll write it)
Best Supporting Actor
Corey Stoll – “Midnight in Paris” (Hemingway)
Albert Brooks - “Drive”
Eddie Marsan – “Tyrannosaur”
William Mapother – “Another Earth”
Christopher Plummer – “Beginners”
Nick Nolte – “Warrior”
Best Lead Actress
Olivia Colman - “Tyrannosaur”
Meryl Streep – “The Iron Lady” – WIN
Jessica Chastain – “The Tree of Life”
Michelle Williams – “My Week With Marilyn”
Naomi Watts – “J. Edgar”
Best Supporting Actress
Elle Fanning – “Super 8”
Vanessa Redgrave – “Coriolanus”
Best Director
Terrence Mallick - "The Tree of Life"
Woody Allen – “Midnight in Paris”
J.J Abrams - “Super 8”
Ralph Fienes - "Coriolanus"
Nicholas Winding Refn - "Drive"
Paddy Considine – “Tyrannosaur”
Clint Eastwood – “J. Edgar”
Best Cinematography
"Drive"
"Coriolanus"
“The Tree of Life” – WIN (Or I drop dead)
“J. Edgar”
“Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy”
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2”
“Rise of the Planet of the Apes”
Best Original Screenplay
"Midnight in Paris" (2011) Woody Allen
"The Guard," (2011) John Michael McDonagh
"Beginners"
“Tyrannosaur”
“50/50”
“Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy”
“J Edgar” (Adapted)
“Coriolanus” (Adapted)
"Another Earth" (I just hope not)
Best Sound Editing
“Super 8”
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2”
“Transformers: Dark of the Moon”
“Pirates of the Carribbean: On Stranger Tides”
“Rise of the Planet of the Apes” - WIN
Best Sound Mixing
“Super 8” - WIN
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2”
“Transformers: Dark of the Moon”
“Pirates of the Carribbean: On Stranger Tides”
““Rise of the Planet of the Apes”
Best Special Effects
“Super 8”
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2”
“Transformers: Dark of the Moon”
“Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides”
“Rise of the Planet of the Apes” – WIN
Best foreign Language
Circumstance (2011)
I'll be seeing 'Drive' and commenting on that soon. I suppose biking to 'Drive' is a good middle-ground, although the director will provide me with plenty middle ground.
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