Friday, September 30, 2011

Netflix Monopolizes Inefficiancy, Prepares for 2012 Election

            As a concise monopolization of groundbreaking Inefficiency, Netflix has diverted (with jarring haste) from any initial, fathomable idea of a 'productive' company to focus solely on walking the fine line into a conceptual quasi-masturbatory waste of time, money, and potential fall to death...from the aforementioned 'fine line,' which I should rather refer to as 'a line of cocaine' for the managerially fiendish and morally archetypal (ACHEM, Mr. CEO).  The company has officially bought the proverbial Park Place and Boardwalk, burned Boardwalk to the ground and turned Park Place into a brothel.  Now, when a customer travels to Boardwalk for a getaway, or a DVD, Netflix can officially say "Kiss my ash, go next door and get f*cked" (don't worry - I'll lash myself for that pun). 
       I was not taken aback by the Netflix CEO's personal 'letter of apology,' which only served as a roundabout of subtly-masked 'fuck you's.'  The singular, distinct, and monotonously abrupt apology from the CEO was equivalent to (Neigh, it WAS) a diversion for the Netflix-fellating audiences (myself included -  that filmic cunnilingus really works out my synapse muscles).  Diversion, distraction, inaction, wordiness, unnecessary words, words, WORD - my point here; it distracts from the fact that the company is splitting into different websites, different names, yet continuing with the same increased prices.  In the same e-mail where the CEO delivered the most belligerently half-assed 'apology,' he also took the opportunity to declare that the exorbitantly increased prices were not going to change and that, furthermore, the website was splitting into two different websites (one for streaming, one for rentals), and that there would be a different name.  I was initially going to avidly call out the 'Illiterate Ghostwriter' behind the CEO's apology letter, but I've realized that the CEO is his own ghost...     
         In an ironic twist of Capitalism, the more we spend, the more we are charged, and the  more we spend and...oh, yeah that's pretty much right on.  Well hell, I'll give em my wallet and Dunkin Donuts gift card, too.  Case Solved.  Netflix has become an amalgamation of coin-hording, manipulative film availability, genre bureaucracy, and now PRICE bureaucracy. I've attempted to avoid bureaucracy all of my life, but when you make me saunter through a DVD-labyrinth of 'unavailable,' 'not streaming,' 'expiring in 30 minutes,' and 'lost in the mail' to get to a movie I want to see, you officially made my 'Shit-List of Counterproduction,' the acronym for which is 'SLC,' which really stands for 'Slick-Lipped Cabaret,' or more aptly called 'The damned circus.'  The more money we spend on Netflix, the more we are going to have to pay in the future.  Generally, it's a give and take. This has become a give, and then a prolonged wait, and then a letter of apology.  Summary: Counterproduction. (And I wouldn't be surprised if we started to get "IOU's" instead of "DVD's.")
       Whether anyone has mused, pondered, or publicly vocalized it or not, it's clear to me that Netflix is officially strapping on it's full metal jacket to politically cover its ass for the 2012 election.  Consistently and systematically removing any and all political films from their streaming queue (and throwing in a disproportionately small number of other films), Netflix prepares for an Armageddon of indifference - what we generally refer to as a 'facade.'  In preparation to become so unbiased that it might just start producing, selling, and charging 'bias' on a monthly basis, it can be argued that Netflix cannot be held responsible for any apparent political agenda/viewpoint.  To some - this would be deemed 'smart, protective, and efficient' to others it is named 'cowardice,'  and to the CEO, it is most likely known as 'What about movies? Where am I, anyway? Can we buy actors yet?  How much could we charge to send an actor in the mail? Shit, I bet that's a whole lot of shipping and handling."
         Netflix (now re-named 'Quickster,'  so that we can never get our films...more quickly) allows a maximum DVD queue of 500, which I've embraced.  So I notice that, every couple of months, Netflix has a 'purging' of DVD's and, since my queue serves more appropriately as a 'Panic Room' for my mind, I always notice the 20-30 expiration dates listed next to the films that are soon to expire in my queue.   And every time, it's the same song and dance for me, staring at my queue, exclaiming  "Oh damn! That movie's expiring?,' followed by "Oh damn, THAT movie's expiring?,' followed by every different combination of those words and emphases about...well 20-30 times.  And during the past two 'purgings,' I've noticed something suspiciously disturbing; there has been a dramatic spike in expiring films, AND the expiring films are almost all politically oriented.  Covering the entire spectrum from political satire to gut-wrenching Vietnam dramas, these films are quickly disappearing from availability.  I WILL give Netflix props for being unbiased in which political films they remove - it's simply every one.  It might seem, however, that to go to such extreme lengths for a 'politically neutral' stance is a bit suspicious...quite simply the antithesis of 'unbiased.'  I'm not getting into the argument that 'nothing is unbiased because to choose to be unbiased is biased,' but maybe I just did.  Oops.  But I will say this; I did proactively use the phrase 'Full Metal Jacket' earlier in this post in relation to Netflix only to achieve my personal, ironic, and moot revenge on the fact that the film 'Full Metal Jacket' is being removed shortly, and I need to re-watch it before they do (just got done with 'The Quiet American' 'Hoffa,' 'The Conversation, (wire-tapping)' 'The Interpretor,' 'Missing,' '1969' 'Proof of Life,' 'The Badge (political scandals),' and...'Sgt. Bilko.'  Yes. I did say they were unbiased with their unbiased).
 
And here is an Oscar Addendum:
Best Score - "Coriolanus," "J Edgar"
Best Doc - "The Swell Season"

No comments:

Post a Comment